Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
