Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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