My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
