I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
