My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
