I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Im part way to drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
