Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
