Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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