go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
