I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
