Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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