question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
