The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
