Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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