i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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