South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
