Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
