I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
