you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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