He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
