Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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