do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
