she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
