The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i will never coherently bang her
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
