I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
