I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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