I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
