Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
