And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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