I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we're so committed to being not committed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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