im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
