Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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