i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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