My liver just broke up with me...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He did a backflip because drugs
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