Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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