Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
