Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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