definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
