good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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