I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
