I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
