As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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