Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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