Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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