Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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