Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
