PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I want is dick and wine.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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