I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
