Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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