I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
