The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
