Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
