she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
