I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
