I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
