period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
