Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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