They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
