Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
