I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
