I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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