Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
