Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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