Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
