I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
