when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
did you just send me my own nude
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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